Something feels off!
Is there something going on, or am I crazy?
Who could it be? Maybe i’m wrong?
This is part of the painful thought process that people have to go through when they suspect that their partner is having an affair! Your brain becomes consumed with trying to get down to the truth looking for any evidence to confirm your worst fears.
How can you tell if your partner is having an affair? The scary truth is that some partners hide the affair so well that only a private investigator would be able to detect the trail of lies. Sometimes there is no way of knowing if a partner has had an affair because they seem to act perfectly normal. Partners having affairs may also, so convincingly, look you in the eyes and tell you they have not had an affair.
It is heartbreaking to see one partner be convinced that they are ‘crazy’ or ‘jealous’ for their suspicions around their partners having an affair, only to find out that their suspicions were right all along and that their partner lied to them. This is often very traumatizing and can be an excruciating part of the affair that has to be worked through together in couples therapy.
Unfortunately, the best clue that your partner is having an affair may be your own gut instinct, especially if you are not the jealous type. While we can be quick to ignore this feeling (particularly if our partner tries to convince us that we are being paranoid, crazy or jealous), this instinct can be the first red flag that something is wrong. It is easy to ignore though, I mean who wants to think the worst of our partner anyways?
Don’t be hard on yourself if you are convinced to doubt your suspicions and later find out you were right all along. It is unfortunately a common tactic of the betraying partner to avoid conflict and accountability. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t spot any of the clues, sometimes there is no evidence to find.
When it comes to trying to determine if your partner has had an affair, you can’t tell from just one piece of evidence. You need to identify a pattern of unusual behavior or a change from the normal pattern of changed behavior. Whatever the result, couples counselling is always an option if you want to work through the affair together or just improve communication.
Here Are 9 Realistic Changes in Behavior That Could Raise Suspicions.
1) Changes in Sex and Affection
You may notice an increased sexual desire and may be more passionate, may broach you with new techniques or things to try. You get a sense that their appetite for sex has changed.
Alternatively, they could try to avoid sexual contact all together, you may notice less romantic kisses or spontaneous affection. This could be out of guilt or out of lack of interest.
2) Sudden Need for Privacy
You may start to notice phone calls being taken privately or that your partner is staying up later to use the computer while everyone else is in bed.
Keeping their phones closer to them and not left on the counter like how they used to leave it. A sudden need for privacy could speak to the secrecy they would need to keep up with the affair.
3) Schedule Changes
You may notice that they start to spend more time away from home, they give you more frequent heads up that they have work longer days ‘to catch up on their work’.
They have more out-of-town travels, more evenings and weekend meetings or get-a-way’s. This is a concern because they may be creating changes in their schedules that they can use as a front for finding time for their affair partner.
4) Sudden Change in Interests
Your partner may suddenly develop a new interest that either they don’t want to share with you, or they know it’s something you would not be interested in.
This could be a red flag for two reasons, It could be that they have this interest developed with their affair partner OR that they want to use it as a cover for more time away. Either way the intent could be about making time for the affair partner
5) Personal Health Habits
Another change that maybe suspicious is a sudden preoccupation with personal appearance. If your partner that once lived for sweatpants is now putting more detail and care into their outfit or hairstyle, it could be to get the attention of someone else.
This can also extend to a greater effort to watching their figure or starting to exercise more. This may be a red flag as these changes could indicate that they may want to look good for their affair partner.
6) Children
Attention to the children has become uneven or inconsistent, your partner might display having more anger or impatience with the children or might start to lavish them with gifts and attention.
This can come out of guilt for time taken away and the feeling like they have ruined the family. The anger can come out of feelings of resentment of being held back from a relationship they want to pursue.
7) Money
Your partner may become less open about where the money is going.
You might notice that your partner starts to take more of the financial responsibility so that you can’t see that money is going to hotels, restaurants, gifts and stores that just don’t match up with common spending habits.
8) Interactions With you Change
Your partner may become more rejecting and critical of you or may become overly affectionate and clingy.
They also might be more likely to start fights with you. They might give you the sense that they want more time alone and don’t want to be touched. Their emotional changes indicate that there is something going on for them internally.
9) Social Life
Your partner may try to avoid including you in social or family gatherings, and generally avoid being alone with you in social settings.
Final Thoughts
Remember, that with each one of these it will be your gut instincts and your knowledge of your partner that will clue you off to if something seems off. You might have a partner that is typically consumed with work in the evenings and weekends, or a partner that has hobbies that are different from yours, its the sudden change over a variety of areas along with your gut telling you something feels off that will be your most helpful guide.
If you are already having the gut feeling that something is up and you are noticing some changes in their behavior, what should you do next? If you decide to confront your partner there are some things to consider.
Click below to continue reading our post on things to consider when confronting your partner about cheating.
Trillium Counselling provides Couples Counselling services Kitchener Waterloo area and online via Online Counselling. Contact us today for a consultation or to book an appointment!