Childhood Trauma Therapy

People often arrive asking whether what they have is “complex trauma” or “complex PTSD.” The short answer is that one describes an experience and the other is a diagnosis. Complex trauma describes the experience: repeated or prolonged trauma, usually in childhood and usually at the hands of someone you depended on. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) is a diagnosis. The World Health Organization added it as a condition that can follow prolonged or repeated events from which escape is difficult, such as childhood abuse (WHO ICD-11). It includes the core PTSD symptoms plus three additional “disturbances in self-organization”: difficulty regulating emotions, a persistently negative view of yourself, and trouble sustaining relationships.

You do not need a diagnosis to start therapy, and your Trillium therapist will not diagnose you. In Ontario, a formal PTSD or C-PTSD diagnosis is made by a physician, psychiatrist or psychologist. What your therapist will do is assess how trauma is affecting you now and build a plan around it. Many people with childhood trauma never meet the criteria for a diagnosis and still benefit greatly from therapy.

If your trauma stems from a single adult event, such as an accident, an assault or a medical emergency, our Trauma Therapy page is the better starting point. Childhood and attachment trauma is the focus here.

Childhood emotional neglect is what happens when a child’s feelings are consistently unnoticed, dismissed or treated as a problem. Nothing terrible has to occur. Parents may have provided food, shelter, activities and even affection, while never asking how their child felt, never helping them through big emotions, or making it clear that certain feelings were not welcome. Because nothing “happened,” people who grew up this way often struggle to name what is wrong. A very common opening line in a first session is “I had a good childhood, so I don’t know why I feel this way.”

It is far from rare. In Statistics Canada’s 2018 Survey of Safety in Public and Private Spaces, nearly a third of Canadians (32.3%) reported non-physical childhood maltreatment only, such as emotional abuse or exposure to violence between parents, without any physical or sexual abuse (Statistics Canada). Emotional neglect itself is even harder to measure, precisely because it is about what did not happen.

Adults who experienced emotional neglect commonly describe feeling empty or numb, struggling to identify their own needs, being fiercely self-reliant, feeling like an outsider even with people who love them, and being far harder on themselves than on anyone else. Therapy for emotional neglect focuses on learning to notice, name and value your own feelings, often for the first time, and approaches like DNMS and IFS were developed specifically for this kind of “absence” wound.

For many people, relationships are where childhood trauma finally becomes impossible to ignore. The strategies that protected you as a child, such as reading every mood, keeping the peace, staying self-sufficient, or shutting down when things get intense, become the exact things that create distance or conflict with a partner. A delayed reply feels like abandonment. A small criticism feels like proof you are unlovable. Closeness itself can feel like a threat, so you sabotage it just as it starts to feel good.

Individual therapy works on the roots of these reactions. When both partners are caught in the cycle, couples counselling using Emotionally Focused Therapy helps you change the pattern together. Our article on why emotional closeness can feel scary after trauma goes deeper into how this works. Parents who grew up with trauma often worry about repeating it. Noticing that worry is usually the first sign that you are already doing something different.

Trillium Counselling provides childhood trauma and attachment therapy in person at our Waterloo office, serving Kitchener, Waterloo, Cambridge, Guelph and the surrounding Waterloo Region communities, and by secure video anywhere in Ontario. Online sessions use the same approaches, including EMDR, IFS and DNMS, and for many people the comfort of their own space makes it easier to start.

Because several therapists on our team are trained in complex trauma and attachment work, the free consultation we offer matches you with someone whose approach, persona or availability fit best with you, rather than with whoever has an opening. Sessions with a Registered Social Worker are not covered directly by OHIP, but they are covered by most extended health benefit plans that include social work services; check your plan or ask us and we will help you find out.